I Thought I Was Busy Before...

This past month has been busy, I think I even used the words "crazy busy" when talking to someone recently. We are pretty busy people and with 5 kids even when there's nothing going on, on a given day, we're busy. :) I wanted to post a run-down of the adoption related things we've done this past month kind of as an update and so I don't forget. :)

April 8th- Submitted our formal application online with All God's Children International. (AGCI)

April 9th- Our application was approved. (Yay!!)

April 12th- We received our Orientation packet in the mail from AGCI.

April 18th- Had our Orientation phone call with AGCI.

April 23rd- Met with a friend who's a notary to have our orientation paperwork and contract for AGCI notarized. Mailed contract and other paperwork to AGCI.

April 26th- We (me, my husband and in-laws) went to be fingerprinted.

May 1st- Officially contracted with AGCI and set-up a date for our dossier phone call.

May 1st- Mailed the 1st round of paperwork (formal application, fingerprint cards and other info) to our social worker (she works at a different agency).

May 7th- Schedule the walk-through portion of our home study.

May 8th- Receive login info. to access our dossier information.

May 9th- Sit down with a big cup of coffee and read through the dossier information. Stop mid-way through to give my brain a rest because there's a lot of information and lots of details to remember!

May 9th- Have our dossier call with our case worker from AGCI. She explains the dossier process, we ask a few questions, end the call and I feel like my head is going to explode! :)

May 9th- More paperwork arrives in the mail from our social worker to fill out.

That's a look at the adoption-related things we've been up to. There's been plenty more going on, but I thought I'd focus on the adoption side. :)

Now we have more paperwork to do then I ever thought possible, I am overwhelmed right now, but I plan on making a detailed to-do list today or tomorrow to help break the tasks down.

A sweet friend who's done this and is just now on the other side keeps reminding me that, "If God has lead you to this, He will bring you through this."

If you think of us please pray! I'm sure at some point in our adventure I'll be remembering these days of paperwork as "easy" days, but today is not that day. :)

Thank you if you have been praying for us! Please continue to do so, it's greatly appreciated!!

New Adventure

"An adventure is an exciting or unusual experience; it may also be a bold, usually risky undertaking, with an uncertain outcome."
-Quote on Wikipedia

This definition of adventure pretty accurately describes what our family is embarking on. We are in the beginning of an adventure, a great adventure even. If given a subtitle it might read something like this...

Our Family's Newest Adventure
A story of pain, loss, surrender, tears, faith, trust and redemption...

I'm pretty sure I could come up with a few more descriptive words, but for now we'll leave it at that. While we are just beginning this adventure every word of the sub-title is true. However, there's a story behind each descriptive words, more then one actually, that in the coming months I'm hoping to share.

For now I want to share about our adventure!!

If you've read them, my 2 previous posts, Like a Rose and Stepping Out of the Boat were a little bit of background information.

This adventure we've begun is exciting (and scary), for us it is bold (which some might perceive as crazy), there are parts of our adventure that will be risky (but worth it), and while we are certain of the final outcome, we know there will be uncertainties along the way.

God has caused an area of our hearts to blossom and we're so excited!!

By God's grace we are going to adopt a little girl from China!!! :)

We are still in the very begining stages, but we're so excited (very overwhelmed) but so so excited!!

Adoption is our new adventure and I'm looking forward to seeing how each chapter will play out!

Buckle-up friends, and please come on this adventure with us...

Stepping Out of the Boat

In my head this post has had a couple different titles. The title I'm using came to me one night when I was reading my Bible, I don't even remember what I was reading at the time, but the story in Matthew 14:22-33 came to mind. I sat for a few minutes just thinking and then I decided to read this passage of scripture.

Matthew 14:22-33 is the story of Jesus walking on the water. And the story of Peter walking on water too.
I started thinking about Peter and just his personality that we see through scripture. He seems to be an impulsive, doesn't-always-think-before-speaking, prideful, maybe a little harsh, bold kind of man. However, he also seemed to be a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy, he's pretty much the same no matter who he's with. And he also seems to be a man who lives his faith "out loud" (if that makes sense?). Peter is a lot of things and most of the time the lesson we're learning from him is what not to do (think about it). In this story I see him differently...

A number of years ago I was listening to a sermon my brother-in-law gave. I couldn't tell you the title or what it was even about, but there's one sentence that's stuck with me all these years. My brother-in-law was talking about Matthew 14:22-33 at this point in his sermon. He was talking about how Peter usually gets kind of a bad wrap, since we tend to focus more on his negative qualities. Anyway, he continues talking about Peter and then in reference to this passage says,

"But Peter got out of the boat."

It struck me then the way it does even as I'm writing this.

He got out of the boat.

Peter may have impulsively asked Jesus to call him to come and regardless of the reason, Peter had faith enough to get out of the boat and because of that faith, Peter walked on water.

We are at a place in our lives where we believe Jesus is calling us.

Our boat is safe, it's "easy", it's familiar, it's normal, it's what we know. Our boat is our comfort zone.

By faith we are choosing to step out of our boat.

Like a Rose

I've been trying to decide how to start this, I know in my head what I want to say or how this post should "sound" but getting the words from my brain onto "paper" don't always translate the way I want. We'll see how this goes...

There have been some things the Lord has been working on in my heart, to give an exact starting date would be hard. The more I think about what has taken place, the more I realize this has been years in the making.

To explain what God has done in my heart I would liken it to a rose. A rose bud. If you look at a rose bud the petals are closed very tight, sometimes you can't even see the color of the petals because green leaves surround the bud. The rose bud is tightly closed and if you were to pry or force the petals open before they're ready you would dramatically change the appearance. What you would end up with may resemble a rose, but it would not be a thing of beauty.

However, given time and care that rose bud will slowly start to open. With continued patience and care that tightly closed rose bud will blossom into a beautiful, fragrant rose.

My heart pertaining to a certain matter was that rose bud. Tightly and securely closed, in fact I'm sure my heart looked like a rose with green leaves still covering the bud. When it came to this topic, discussion, possibility I had every intention of keeping that bud closed forever. My arguments were valid, my reasoning sound, in fact I'd be willing to bet I could find many people who would agree that keeping my bud, just that, a bud, was maybe even the "wise" thing to do.

And yet, the Gardener of my heart, the One who tends to and cares for my rose buds, though He would never force a single bud open, His desire was to see that rose bud bloom.

My Gardener is patient, so very patient.

Over the years this matter would come up and while I may not have admitted with my mouth, my heart was closed, that rose bud would not be allowed to open.

At times I could feel gentle tuggings at my heart, I didn't want to budge. Aside from my arguments and sound reasoning, I knew there would be a cost involved and I wasn't willing to open myself up to what those costs could mean.

Not quite a year and a half ago this matter, topic, discussion, possibility was again brought up, but this time, differently, instead of a gentle tug, it was now, would you consider this?

I was faced with a decision.

Would I choose to keep my rose bud, safely, comfortably, familiarly closed tight?

Or

Would I choose to allow my heart's Gardener to tend for, care for, and speak to my heart, in turn causing my rose bud to bloom?

I believe that if I had chosen the 1st option, my rose bud would be allowed to stay closed. I believe I would miss out on seeing God move in amazing ways, but I don't believe God forces us to do anything, we have a free will, we are allowed to make our own decisions, and had I chose #1 I wouldn't be writing this. :)

I chose #2, not very willingly, but I chose to pray for God's will to be done, that if this huge undertaking were His will, that He would show me, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was His will.

I prayed, hoping that just praying would be satisfactory.

I prayed hoping that we wouldn't really be called to do what I had been closed to all these years.

I prayed...not my will but Yours.

I prayed for the Lord to change my heart if this was His will.

I prayed...

I allowed the Sunlight to shine on my rose bud, I allowed my tears, even, to water it, and it began to open...slowly, but it began to open.

There's so much more to the story of my rose bud that I'll share at another time, soon hopefully.
This post is a testimony of how if we are willing and open, God can change the desires of our heart. It can be a slow and sometimes painful process, but God is so patient, He waited for me.

And as I'm writing this, my rose bud is in full bloom, it looks like a rose is supposed to look. And with that rose has come great joy!!

My Reality....well 1 of them...

I'm not sure why I feel like writing this, maybe it's because of other blogs I've read or maybe it's because I want to complain...to myself or maybe it's just because I want to remember...writing this with the hope that it won't always be this way.

I've found a saying on a website recently

"Good Moms
Have sticky floors
Dirty ovens and
Happy kids."

Now, I do agree with this not only because my oven is dirty and my kitchen floor tends to be sticky for 3-4 days out of the week, but because I understand the meaning behind it. It's better to let your house go a little to spend the time to invest in your kids. But can't good moms have clean ovens, clean floors and still manage to have happy kids?

I'd like to think so, in fact I hope so.

My reality is that my house is most of the time not as clean as I'd like it to be. I try to keep it clean, but with 5 kids all under 10 it can seem an impossible task at times. I mean I can't even make my bed in the morning without being interrupted, so you can imagine how easy it is to get an actual room cleaned. Yeah, and my small kids are amazingly good at undoing whatever it is I've cleaned in a fraction of the time it took me to clean.
I would love nothing more for my house to be company ready all the time, but that is not my reality. Will it be someday, I hope so...maybe not always company ready but at least to the point where I don't have to fear my guests feet will stick to my floor. :)

Aside from wanting my house to be ready for surprise visitors, which will take a while since my house is visitor ready for maybe, 30 second intervals I really do enjoy having my house clean. I feel more relaxed when my house is clean. I don't feel guilty checking my email or facebook when my house is clean...I just enjoy it.

I know some people would say, you have 5 kids put them to work. We do. It's not always easy to get them to finish or even start the task you've asked them to...like cleaning their room (that requires a post all on it's own). I think a lot of it is the ages of our kids and the fact that between school and life we're busy.

I don't know if any of this is making sense? I,surprise, surprise have been interrupted while typing this.

My hope is that one day my house will stay clean for longer then 30 second intervals and also be organized (again, needs it's own post) but for now my reality can be summed up by something a friend of mine once said.

"Cleaning with small children is like trying to nail jello to a tree."

Tired

I'm tired. Very, very tired.

There are plenty of logical explanations for this tiredness...my youngest has a cold and is up 3+ times a night, I've not gotten to bed until close to 11 pm. the past 2 nights, I only had a cereal bar for breakfast and my body is revolting due to lack of food...

Although, I think this tiredness while partly is physical is also emotional too. There's something I've been struggling with for a long time. It comes and goes as to how much of a struggle it is (if that makes sense?) I guess how much it consumes my thoughts or affects my emotions. And all this time I have been praying, but I finally talked to a good friend about this struggle. Getting her point of view, finding out if what I'm dealing with is more me or if I have a valid reason to be feeling the way I do. I think though most importantly, just confiding in a good friend.

Our time was good and I'm so thankful we were able to talk and pray together and while the situation isn't resolved, I don't feel "alone" anymore.

So I'm thinking alot of my tiredness is from feeling emotionally drained, but there's a warmness knowing I don't have to stand alone.

I'm thankful today for my dear, sweet friend, and for a loving Father Who is always willing to listen...


I apologize if this doesn't make much sense, it does to me :) and I'm working on some coffee. :)

Quotes

So after taking a year and some time off, I've decided to come back (hopefully). :) I really do want to be better at posting because I can think of 5+ blog ideas a day. The problem is finding the time to type them out. So to get me going I wanted to post a couple quotes I shared recently.

There's a wonderful truth that's sometimes hard for us to grasp.

That is that God doesn't make any mistakes.

Other people sometimes make serious mistakes that affect our lives. But God is always fulfilling His eternal purposes, and they can't be stopped by any human failure. If we're in Christ our lives are in His hands, and nothing can touch us that hasn't first been filtered through His fingers of love.

...When we stand in eternity, we'll see clearly what we now know only by faith.

-Nancy Leigh DeMoss

God didn't promise days without pain
Laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain.
But He did promise,
Strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears,
And light for the way.

-Author Unknown




I hope to be back soon.